To the perplexed “straight” girls and curious boys. To the closet Queer girls and the new-ley out of the closet lesbian girls who are wondering how it all works. Here are all your questions answered. 

A close friend of mine, whom I have known since childhood (who will not be named for confidentiality purposes) has kindly offered to take part in a very intimate and personal interview. She met her girlfriend at University and they have now happily been in a relationship for 18 months. 

Please note that this is only her opinion and she is not talking on behalf of all the L.B.G.T.Q community. 

So let’s start with the first question. You dated guys… So how did you know that you were interested in girls? 

I always knew I had a thing for girls and had experiences since being young but I didn’t know how strong it was. I always found guys attractive and went on a lot of dates, but I never wanted to be serious or have a proper relationship with any of them, and if I am being honest, the sex was sh*t. When I moved out and went to university I found someone that I cared about and wanted to be in a relationship with, and that is the first time I have ever had that with anybody. 

I know everyone is inquisitive about the answer but what lesbian sex?!? 

Lesbian sex can involve whatever you or your partner want. It could be what you might class with a male partner as foreplay, or oral, or you could even dabble with toys. It can involve anything you want, as long as it pleases both you and your partner. 

What is scissoring? 

Scissoring is a myth. It is very much an idolised concept, it’s all over porn sites but honestly, it doesn’t work. Could you imagine two girls in that position and getting something out of it? I’ve tried it and it really, really doesn’t work. I mean I might be sh*t and doing it completely wrong, but in my opinion, it is a load of bollocks. 

We now know you use a strap-on… How is it different from using a dildo with a female partner compared to having sex with a male? 

Well for me, I would never be on the receiving end of the strap-on as I never got anywhere when I was having sex with a boy. For my partner and me, it works better with me using the strap-on on her. It is just the same as opposite-sex partners having sex, except I prefer it the other way around. 

With the lack of physical connection during sex (penis inside a vagina), does it impact the emotional connection? 

Absolutely not! I think in a way it is more intimate and you can create a stronger emotional connection because you’re more focused on pleasuring your partner. In my experience when having sex with boys it wasn’t as partner focused and both of us were more bothered about our own pleasure rather than the other person’s. I do think that being with a woman makes you more selfless in bed, unless you’re a pillow queen of course. 

Do you have gender roles? Are there stereotypical female/ male roles within your relationship? 

I know some lesbian couples have stereotypical gender roles, with a more masculine/butch woman, and a more feminine woman. In my relationship we are more equal we don’t really have roles. I think the only part of our relationship that might be seen as a gender role would be in our sex life, where she would receive when using the strap-on, but I would not. Other than that our relationship is very equal, we’re like best friends who love each other. We both take each other out on dates and that’s a parallel to the rest of our relationship. 

Who gets to Orgasm first? And when do you decide to finish having sex? 

It depends. Sometimes you want to be focused on one person or sometimes you can orgasm together, it’s wherever the mood takes you. You just orgasm when you’re ready, it’s not dissimilar from having sex with a boy. 

Do you enjoy lesbian porn? 

No, I think that a lot of the things that are shown in lesbian porn are so far-fetched and nothing like real-life lesbian sex. I could never enjoy it because it is so fake and heavily directed. I think that kind of porn is designed for male enjoyment, maybe that’s why I don’t like it. 

As you are both women and know what it all looks like are you okay with just wearing sweats? Or do you still wear sexy lingerie? 

It depends, there are times when we want to lounge about the house in big jumpers and joggers, but there are other times when the mood takes us and we will wear sexy lingerie for each other. I find it just as attractive as a boy would. 

What is it like with your periods? Are you both synced? Do you still have sex?  

We have become really synced because we spend so much time together we start on the same day and finish on the same day. Neither of us is bothered by periods, so it doesn’t affect our sex life at all. It’s a natural thing and we are both girls, so why should it matter? 

You have slept with men as well as women, what made you decide that you were gay and not bi-sexual? 

I can look at boys and think they are attractive, but I would never want to sleep with them and I definitely don’t have the emotional connection with boys that would make me want to be in a relationship with them. I would identify myself as gay because I find females much more attractive, and it is completely different from when I look at a boy. You never know what the future holds, I might be swept off my feet by a boy one day, but where I am right now that’s not looking likely. 

Would you have a threesome with a couple already in a relationship to spice up their sex life? 

No, that’s not my thing. 

Are you ever attracted to your friends?

This is such a common question I get asked, I think it can be a worry for some people who have a friend who has just come out. I could never fancy my friends, most of them I have known for at least seven years and I know them all far too well to ever find them attractive. They’re all beautiful girls but I would never see them in that way. Imagine waking up next to one of your friends after a one-night stand, or having to see them a week later… it would be SO awkward! My friends have been supportive and are not judgemental or think that I might fancy them. Like you and I went skinny-dipping with a group of girls over the summer and it wasn’t weird at all, was it? 

What terminology do you find offensive?

Personally, I don’t find specific terminology offensive, my mum and my friends call me a ‘lezza’ all the time but it is just in good spirit and it is done in a joking way. The only time I ever feel offended is when people are being nasty and homophobic. It’s not what people say that would offend me, it’s how it is said. 

What was the hardest part of coming out? 

Coming out was a difficult time for two reasons. I found it hard for a long time to admit to myself that I even had a thing for girls, it wasn’t until two and a half years ago in a hungover state I sat across from a girl on an airplane who I couldn’t take my eyes off. After over two hours of this, it became quite apparent that I did have a thing for girls, but it is only in recent months that I am happy in myself regardless of sexuality. Another issue was telling my family, I was so worried that they wouldn’t take it well, especially my dad and grandparents. They struggled with it at first, but they will always support me as long as I am happy and safe. 

Kinsey scale result: 4/6 – Predominantly homosexual but more than incidentally heterosexual.